The Ferengi Rules of
Acquisition.
1) Once you have their money, never
give it back.*
2) You can't cheat an honest customer,
but it never hurts to try.
3) Never buy anything for more than
is absolutely necessary.*
4) Sex and profit are the two things
that never last long enough.
5) If you can't break a contract, bend
it.
6) Never let family stand in the way
of opportunity.*
7) Always keep your ears open.*
8) Keep count of your change.
9) Instinct plus opportunity equals
profit.*
10) A dead customer can't buy as much
as a live one.
11) Latinum isn't the only thing that
shines.
12) Anything worth selling is worth
selling twice.
13) Anything worth doing is worth doing
for money.
14) Anything stolen is pure profit.
15) Acting stupid is often smart.
16) A deal is a deal.*
17) A contract is a contract is a contract,
but only with a Ferengi.*
17) A bargain usually isn't.
18) Beware of relatives bearing gifts.
19) Don't lie too soon after a promotion.
20) When the customer is sweating,
turn up the heat.
21) Never place friendship before profit.*
22) Wise men can hear profit in the
wind.*
23) Never take the last coin, but be
sure to get all the rest.
24) Never ask when you can take.
25) Fear makes a good business partner.
26) The vast majority of the rich in
this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it.
27) The most beautiful thing about
a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down.
28) Morality is always defined by those
in power.
29) When someone says "It's not
the money," they're lying.
30) Talk is cheap; synthehol costs
money.
31) Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.*
32) Be careful what you sell. It may
do exactly what the customer expects.
33) It never hurts to suck up to the
boss.*
34) Compassion is no substitute for
profit.
35) You could afford your ship without
your government--if it weren't for your government.
36) Too many Ferengi can't laugh at
themselves anymore.
37) You can always buy back a lost
reputation.
38) Free advertising is cheap.
39) Praise is cheap. Heap it generously
on all customers.
40) If you see profit on a journey,
take it.
41) Money talks, but having lots of
it gets more attention.
42) Only negotiate when you are certain
to profit.
43) Caressing an ear is often more
forceful than pointing a weapon.
44) Never argue with a loaded phaser.
45) Profit has limits. Loss has none.
46) Labor camps are full of people
who trusted the wrong person.
47) Never trust a man wearing a better
suit than your own.*
48) The bigger the smile, the sharper
the knife.*
49) Old age and gree will always overcome
youth and talent.
50) Never bluff a Klingon.
51) Never admit a mistake if they're
someone else to blame.
52) Only Bugsy could have built Las
Vegas.
53) Sell first; ask questions later.
54) Never buy anything you can't sell.
55) Always sell at the highest possible
profit.
56) Pursue profit; women come later.
57) Good customers are a rare as latinum--treasure
them.
58) Friendship is seldom cheap.
59) Free advice is seldom cheap.*
60) Never use credit where your words
will do.
61) Never buy what can be stolen.
62) The riskier the road, the higher
the profit.*
63) Power without profit is like a
ship without an engine.
64) Don't talk shop; talk shopping.
65) Don't talk ship; talk shipping.
66) Anyone serving in a fleet who is
crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it.
67) Anyone asking to be relieved is
not crazy and must be forced to serve.
69) Win or lose, there's always Hyperian
beetle snuff.
70) Get the money first, then let the
buyers worry about collecting the merchandise.
75) Home is where the heart is ...
but the stars are made of latinum.
76) Every once in a while, declare
peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.*
79) Beware of the Vulcan greed for
knowledge.
82)The flimsier the product, the higher
the price.
85) Never let the competition know
what you're thinking.
89) Ask not what your profits can do
for you, but what you can do for your profits.
94) Females and finances don't mix.
97) Enough ... is never enough.
99) Trust is the biggest liability
of all.
101) Never do something you can make
someone do for you.
102) Nature decays, but latinum lasts
forever.*
103) Sleep can interfere with opportunity.*
104) Money is never made. It is merely
won or lost.
105) Faith moves mountains ... of inventory.
106) There is no honor in poverty.
109) Dignity and an empty sack is worth
the sack.*
111) Never sleep with the boss' wife
unless you pay him first.
112) Never sleep with the boss' sister.
113) Always have sex with the boss.
117) You can't free a fish from water.
121) Everything is for sale, even friendship.
119) Buy, sell, or get out of the way.
123) A friend is only a friend until
you sell him something. Then he is a customer.
124) Even a blind man can recognize
the glow of latinum.
138) Law makes everyone equal, but
justice goes to the highest bidder.
139) Wives serve; brothers inherit.*
141) Only fools pay retail.
144) There's nothing wrong with charity
... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
148) Opportunity waits for no one.
162) Even in the worst of times someone
turns a profit.
164) Never spend your own money when
you can spend someone else's.
172) If you can sell it, don't hesitate
to steal it.
177) Know your enemies ... but do business
with them always.
180) Never offer a confession when
a bribe will do.
181) Not even dishonesty can tarnish
the shine of profit.
187) Let others keep their reputation.
You keep their money.
188) Never bet on a race you haven't
fixed.
189) Borrow on a handshake; lend in
writing.
190) Hear all, trust nothing.*
192) Never cheat a Klingon ... unless
you're sure you can get away with it.
194) It's always good business to know
about new customers before they walk in your door.
202) A friend in need is a customer
in the making.
203.New customers are like razortoothed
grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.
208) Give someone a fish, you feed
him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer.
211) Employees are rungs on the ladder
of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
214) Never begin a business transaction
on an empty stomach.*
215) Instinct without opportunity is
useless.
218) Always know what you're buying.
221) Beware of any man who thinks with
his lobes.
222) Knowledge is power.
223) Beware the man who doesn't make
time for 00-mox.
236) You can't buy fate.
239) Never be afraid to mislable a
product.*
242) More is good ... all is better.
255) A wife is a luxury ... a smart
accountant is a necessity.
261) A wealthy man can afford anthing
except a conscience.
263) Never allow doubt to tarnish your
love of latinum.
266) When in doubt, lie.
281) Blood is thicker than water, but
harder to sell.
282) Business is like war; it's important
to recognize the winner.
283) Rules are always subject to change.
284) Rules are always subject to interpretation.
284) Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
285) No good deed ever goes unpunished.*
286) [Quark's rule] When Morn leaves,
it's all over.
*
Rules which have been quoted on Deep Space Nine.
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